Taking my own name in vain.
01 January 2025
I find it interesting that, in life, we put a lot of weight on the future being better. Tomorrow will be better, there’s always next week, or, as I thought, next year will be my year. This is a somewhat pessimistic view and, if I’m honest, I think looking at life that way isn’t always a good way to view life, but after a few tricky years I genuinely was looking forward to closing out 2023 and kicking off 2024 with a fresh outlook. As it turned out, 2023 ended very differently than I thought and 2024 became a very different year. There’s been positives from it, for sure, and I look ahead to 2025 with the same “this will be my year feeling” and I guess, at least, this time, it’s far more within my control.
I’ve posted about this already and since I’ve barely posted a thing this past year it’s not too far down the page either. Anyway, this year saw the closing of a very large chapter of my life; my marriage. After twenty-three years (married in 2006) it was felt that we were on diverging paths in life and that, perhaps, staying together was not the wisest choice. As a result we’ve all had a very testing year, moreso for the girls who ultimately had to deal with a decision that was not of their making. They’ve shown immense strength and love this year, all the while dealing with big feelings and their new normal of two homes; three if you count their dance school.
Dancing was the headline act this year, as it has been for the last few, though this year was perhaps bigger than ever. My eldest continued with her hip-hop crew that saw her compete on stage multiple times include the finals for WSB in Sydney. Her younger sister, on the other hand, joined one of the school’s dance troupes which includes more than one type of dance and, much like her sister, saw many stage performances and competitions, include a first place in one towards the end of the year. We had the usual end of year dance school show mayhem but, as ever, they love dancing and I can imagine it has been such an important refuge for them this past year. The friends and community that their school exude is fantastic and I am forever grateful that it’s there for them. Equally, I am ever so proud of their achievements and their continued growth doing something that they love. It will continue this year too with Nine moving up to a new troupe and Ten (almost Eleven) sticking with her crew albeit with a new name and level.
With all the competitions and so on I’ve had to learn about makeup and hair though, for the most part, I’ve been able to lean on their team leaders and C to help me out there early on. By the end of year concert I’d like to think I’d gotten pretty decent though I am equally thankful that Ten pretty much does her own now. Still, it’s been fun learning and I appreciated that Nine didn’t mind at all that I was effectively learning by doing. Given the changes in level for them, I suspect my skills will be put to the test and hopefully improved; it’s going to be busy, that’s for sure.
The most obvious upshot of all the change was moving somewhere on my own. The last time I lived on my own was 2005 when C was living abroad for a year and I was still in Bristol twenty years ago! I was thankful that I was able to find a decent two-bedroom apartment relatively quickly and within budget. It’s noisier than I’d like given that I’m on the ground floor, right next to a carpark entrace, and the gate that most people use to enter the building is affixed to the wall of the girls’ bedroom. Still, it’s wonderfully positioned in terms of what I’m up to these days. I can walk to football training during the season, it’s a short walk to the town centre, and I’m able to still bus or cycle to work which has made my cost of living somewhat manageable.
I still find it very strange when the girls aren’t here. I often ask myself how, exactly, does one “be” single and there are other aspects of just being that I’m still trying to navigate. I’ve been very thankful for my friends and my football team who’ve all been there for me this past year. Whether it’s been a catchup for drinks, attending music bingo or something else entirely I’m very grateful that they’re there. I’ve often found it hard to reach out for help as by nature I’m very insular so it’s been tricky trying to remind myself that friends are there for exactly this and it’s important to reach out if you’re struggling. There’s still a long road ahead for me, a lot of healing still to do and the task of rebuilding a future that has been demolished and now needs to be rebuilt. How that all looks is a huge unknown for me and it’s kind of scary but onwards and upwards.
So here we are in 2025 and a whole year ahead that has more of a foundation that last year. It will be another year full of supporting the girls through their adventures in dancing but also life. Ten will enter her final year of junior school which she’s not overly keen on but one, I hope, she will enjoy and fill with many memories that, as she grows up, will look back on fondly. C and I will need to figure out her next steps in terms of high school, the next adventure, and it reminds me just how quickly the years have flown by. I have a Nest Hub in my living room and it cycles pictures of the girls during the day and every time I seen a photo of either of the girls when they were toddlers or younger it doesn’t feel like those days were too long ago. L will continue to throw herself in to everything she does with the enthusiasm that only she can bring. Both have shown such resiliance this year though I know they still have their own journey of healing to do too. I am immensely proud to be their father and look forward to the adventures we’ll go on this coming year.
In the end, this year will hopefully be a year of renewed focus. A year to start to slowly, but surely, build a future. How that will look, I have no clue but right now it’s about building foundations. So I wish you all the happiest of New Years and that you all have a fantastic 2025.